About
What is Voice Dialogue and how can it help me?
The Voice Dialogue method was developed by American psychologists Dr. Hal and Dr. Sidra Stone in the 1970s.
Source: voicedialogueinternational.com
Often times we think of ourselves as one person – one entity. However, if we look deeply we see there are multiple so-called sub-personalities living within us. A part of us might tend to get angry easily and can be quite impatient. Another part might be scared to death at the thought of loosing our loved ones. Another part of us might constantly criticize and judge us or others. One part of us might like to control our external circumstances whereas another part just wants to relax and take it easy. These are just a few examples of parts or selves we carry within us. Some parts show up strongly in our personality – called Primary Selves – some parts operate more in the background and some parts are entirely outside of our conscious awareness – called Disowned Selves.
Until we consciously give voice to these various parts through Voice Dialogue facilitations we fully identify with a few of these parts as ‘ME’. Through Voice Dialogue we give our parts (however politically incorrect or potentially outrages their opinions might be) the opportunity to voice their desires, hopes and fears. Once we have done that with one part we move on to a second part, which is an equal and opposite self. In doing this, we energetically balance out these two parts .
This strengthens what in Voice Dialogue is called the Aware Ego. You being aware of various parts of your psyche. The Aware Ego process can be likened to walking on the ridge of a mountain. At the beginning of our Voice Dialogue journey the ridge is narrow and we easily fall down one side or the other back into full identification with our inner voices. We become fully absorbed in them. As we continue our Voice Dialogue journey, however, the ridge gets wider and wider allowing us to gracefully walk on, simply being aware of our inner voices down below smiling at them lovingly and taking care of them yet not being dragged down to them. We ,thus, use Voice Dialogue to temporarily move into voices, seperate from them and then embrace them.
At this point, I would like to underline the importance of experiencing this process for yourself. Only reading about it is like reading about the flavour of a delicious kind of chocolate without ever actually tasting it.
A typical Voice Dialogue session might go like this:
John, 32, is a successful lawyer. Whatever John tackles in life he strives for excellence. He managed to get a perfect score at university. His exercise routine as well as his diet are very structured. He is extremely organised and always gives it his absolute best whenever he plays squash with his friends. He tries very hard to do everything ‘right’. Yet, somehow there is always something else, some other area in his life that needs improving. As a consequence, John feels increasingly overwhelmed and stressed.
Moving into the first voice in a Voice Dialogue session, it becomes clear that John is stuck in the so-called Perfectionist Voice. This inner Perfectionist is ceaselessly looking for things to improve not being able to rest until everything is absolutely perfect. After having allowed himself to fully go in and out of the Perfectionist Voice, John is then asked by the facilitator to move to another part of the room to see what voice is on the other side.
John, now takes a seat on the armchair in the corner. A second part emerges. This time it’s a voice one might call The Wise Old Man. This part has experienced life and has seen that worrying about getting everything right in life just leads to suffering. The Wise Old Man feels very relaxed because he knows that he can control only few things in life. He actually enjoys the so-called imperfections of life. All the Old Wise Man wants is to relax.
After that, the facilitator has John get up from the armchair and take a seat on the original chair. John is now able to separate from both voices, the Perfectionist and the Wise Old Man. John realises he can be totally present and calm all the while being aware that one part of him wants things to be perfect in his life while another part is much more accepting of the way things are. He is now able to embrace both these parts of his personality and he has gained the ability to look after both of these parts’ needs and desires in a conscious way. Furthermore, the tension coming from the Perfectionist and the rather low-energy of the Old Wise Man have been balanced out in John’s body making him feel centred and calm.
About Nic
Dear reader,
I was born and raised in Germany. My curiosity about life has led me to live, study and work in many different countries across the globe, including France, Spain, Tunisia, New Zealand and Thailand. I’m currently based in Australia. However, the main driver in my life has always been to find peace and happiness. Nothing out of the ordinary, I guess. Nonetheless, it has led me to discover quite a number of psychological and spiritual approaches by brilliant people. I vigorously test those approaches out on myself and observe the effects they have on me.
Voice Dialogue stands out to me since it has helped me to not only understand myself/my ‘selves’ better but more importantly it has helped me reconcile many conflicting parts within me. For example, many of my so-called ‘Pusher-Parts’ which used to make me Go!Go!Go! without ever allowing me to rest and enjoy the present moment have been energetically balanced out so that I can actually allow myself to experience and enjoy my life without constantly feeling overwhelmed and stressed. This is just one example of how Voice Dialogue can lead to a life of greater inner peace and lightheartedness.
I have a Bachelor’s and a Master’s degree in Political Science (Focus on International Relations as well as Peace and Conflict Research). However, after graduating at 25 I decided to stop trying to ‘save the world’ sitting at my desk. Instead, I decided to live in a way that would actually allow me to pursue my passion of finding methods to reduce suffering – mine and others’.
At 23 I promised myself to meditate every day until I either realise full enlightenment or die. What an intense 23 year old I was 😉. Spoiler alert: I still have suffering – but it has gotten much less. I attended and completed various online as well as in person trainings and seminars, including NLP events and a Summer University program on psychoanalysis which I found quite disappointing – ‘not practical enough!!!’ for a 24 year old on a mission 😉. Furthermore, I completed a Christine Hassler training and attended online Eckhart Tolle courses. I also decided to intensify my meditation practice which resulted in me spending many months on end at Zen and other Buddhist monasteries as well as living as a monk in the forests of Thailand for about 1 1/2 years. Amongst all these approaches my Voice Dialogue training has given me great confidence to further not only my own but also other peoples’ psycho-spiritual development. My gratitude goes out to Richard L. Goodman, Voice Dialogue professional, Chinese Medicine expert and dear friend, who continuosly facilitated my many inner voices and taught me the art of doing Voice Dialogue with others.
Dear reader, I wish you a wonderful life and maybe see you soon!
Best wishes, Nic.